The Ms. R is extremely dramatic. And I think to myself, "Good for her! Require some work out of your mom and dad." She was such an easy baby and I think I can empathize with the dramatics. I was the same when I was younger. She has big feelings. When Rach starts crying she gets carried away in the emotion of if all and doesn't even remember what it is about. I'll ask her why she is crying and she'll say something that I know is totally unrelated like needing to see her cousin Charlotte more. Here is an example of a conversation that I had with her in her in the care the other day while she was crying.
Mom: "I like to be happy."
Rach: "I like to be sad."
Mom: "Why do you like to be sad?"
Rach: "Because I don't know my letters!" (absolutely nothing to do with it)
Rach: "You destroyed my life, you destroyed my life!" (The dramatics)
Rach: "I wanted Charlotte to love me and not you!" (Somehow it always comes back to Charlotte.)
Rach: "You aren't a little girl, mom! She wanted me to go in her room and not you!" (A little jealousy.)
A minute pause.
Rach: "I just love you." (We always end this way. Just give her one minute is all.)
How to Gently Say No
Sometimes if she is crying I will pretend like I am crying. Her nurturing personality always falls for this one. She will immediately turn her attention to me, take both of her pudgy hands and gently cup my face with her hands and say these exact words in a very happy voice, "I have a good idea!" Then she will tell me what we could do that she thinks will make me happy. Sometimes she will be mad at me and tell me I can't play with her toy or something. I will do the fake cry. Immediately, she turns her attention to making me happy. Her scowl is erased from her face and she cups my face with her hands and says in a happy voice, "I have a good idea! You could play with it later!" I have tried to copy her when I have to say something hard to her like we can't go to the park. If she is sad, I try to show to her that same tenderness that she shows me. And so, you could say, that my mother-hearted daughter is teaching me how to mother.
How to Correct Bad Behavior
One other thing that Rachie does that drives me nuts is that she is always hitting and kicking her younger brother. It drives me crazy. I try everything to get it to stop. It is torture for me. I am a very protective mother and I hate to see a child picked on or hurt. And so to see one adored child that doesn't like the adored baby and does things to hurt him is like you are getting ripped in two. You want to spank the toddler and reassure and love her all at the same time. (As a side note, I don't believe in spanking, but I am frequently tempted.)
She acted up again at Aunt Tay' house. I told her that I was disappointed in a very even voice. I think that word may not be a word that my nearly perfect sister-in-law would choose. She told me a story of a little boy that hit a lot in nursery and the mother would just react by gently saying that he shouldn't do that. I guess I really believe in that kind of mothering. I think that regardless of what I do, yell, punish, whatever, Rachie is going to hit William this year. I need to choose what I want to say over and over and over again to her. Eventually she will get it What will it be? "You have disappointed me." Or, "Stop! I am so sick of you doing that! You are so mean!" Or could I choose something more like, "We don't hit because you are a nice sister." I mean really, if the result is the same, why not program them to believe that they are good?
How Your Dress Effects the Way You View Yourself
Rach lives in her Snow White dress. When she can't wear that one it is one of her fancy church dresses that she refers to as her Cinderella dress. It is a major conflict and travesty if she can't wear one of those dresses, but I think that I am beginning to understand why. She usually always demands that everyone refer to her as Snow White. One day I called her Snow White when she didn't have her dress on. She told me that she wasn't Snow White. I began to notice a trend. She demanded everyone to call her the name of the person that she was dressed as. She believes that when she is dressed as Snow White that she actually becomes Snow White. I wonder if we all are more influenced by how we dressed than what we realize.
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