Pool Days

Wasn't that fun?  I loved those pool days.  I look back and feel proud that I did my part that made those day possible.  They were fun and I look back and feel satisfied.

 

Conversion

I had such a marvelous conversation on the playground with a new Jewish friend that I have made.  She mentioned that she was going through a crisis of faith.  In talking to her it seemed that her crisis stemmed from trying to reconcile terrible things that have happened to her and to those she loves with a loving and caring God.  I truly empathized with her concerns because she has gone through many things that my family has experienced.

I thought of so many scriptures that I wanted to share with her all at once.

I quoted to her 1 Nephi 11:17 of Nephi saying that he knew that God loveth his children, nevertheless he knoweth not the meaning of all things.

I refrenced 2 Nephi 2 about men being free to choose for themselves and said, "God gives to man freedom to choose and he will not take that from us.  That means that bad things happen to good people, but he has the power to heal the bad."

I shared with her one of my favorite nuances from  Alma 36:3.  That God doesn't take away our hardships, but "...whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day."

I didn't say the smallest part of what I felt. I wanted to say, "I know you are a daughter of God and that He loves you.  I know He loves you for what you have done for your daughters.     It will all be made right. ..all of those sorrows.  Keep praying, keep believing.  Go to Synagogue and teach your children about all of the marvelous things that He has done for you in your life and of how he parted the sea for your ancestors .  You are the seed of Abraham and are a part of God's covenant people and so He will not forget you!!"

The irony of the situation had me chuckling all day long.  I thought to myself, "I think I just tried to use the Book of Mormon to prove to my Jewish friend that her church was true."

Do You Want a Knuckle Sandwich?

I was watching the Relief Society Conference and noticed that the leaders in their talks shared that they loved the women of the Relief Society.  I wondered at why it is important for those who are teaching to love whom they teach and why it is so important that the student feels loved by the teacher.

Later this week I remembering an interesting experience that Mark had.  He sat down with a three year old patient and her parents to discuss the risks and benefits of a procedure that he was going to do.  This little girl had spent much of her young life in the hospital and in her mind the doctors were her enemies that tortured her.  When Mark entered the room she immediately made a fist, shook it at him, and asked if he wanted a knuckle sandwich.  Mark just laughed and said no.  He chatted with her briefly but spent the time having the necessary conversation with the parents.  Throughout the conversation when he would look at her she would bring her fist up again and give him and warning look with her eyes.

The poor little girl.  I wish she could understand that Mark doesn't want to hurt her.  In fact, he loves her. It was the big blue eyes of a toddler with a scar on his chest that broke his heart in medical school and first turned him to helping children. I remember him hurrying home to tell me about the surgical case and showing the picture of the little boy. He searched for the words to try to express the strong feelings he had as he heard of this boy's plight and how touched he was that his life was saved.   His words caught in his throat when he said, "I can't stop thinking of this boy. Do you want to see the picture?"he asked lamely. If his words failed in helping me to understand, then I got the message when I saw Mark brush away the tears on his cheeks  as he stared at the picture on his computer of the boy. It was in that conversation that I understood what this meant to him and I let go of my reservations about him becoming a pediatric CT surgeon.   Since then Mark's specialty has changed, but he has devoted his life and sacrificed so much to be able to help sick children all the same.  If that little girl could just understand that Mark doesn't want to hurt her.  He wants to help her because he loves her.

I don't know if I have ever made more enemies than when I taught a lesson about how important I felt that it was to nurture our families by preparing dinner.  I had no idea anyone was going to be hurt. My friend explained to me that the reason that people were mad was because they felt guilty.   I guess you never know when you are going to hurt someone when you are teaching.

I thought back to my Relief Society meeting and I imagine those Relief Society leaders saying, "I hope that nothing I said hurt, but if it did, know that I am filled with love for you.  I am sacrificing my life to be able to help you."  And then, in my mind's eye, I see myself and wonder if I am not the three year old girl with her fist up; daring anyone to get near her and get a knuckle sandwich.

How I Found Joy Today

I made rice and beans for dinner.  I think I am getting that recipe down to a science.  After the rice is cooked I toss in freshly chopped cilantro and the juice of a lime.  I cook the black beans with 5 slices of jalepeno from a jar, a spoonful of garlic, 3 cubes of beef bullion, and about 1/4 tsp of oregano, chili powder, and cumin.  I salt it to taste and squeeze a little lime at the end.  My new addition this week was so fun.  I served it in a bowl with chips around the outside and it ended up looking like a sunflower.  The chips looked like the petals and the beans looked like the center of the flower.  The kids loved it.

I remembered a funny story that Mark told me about the hospital.  Mark was commenting to his attending physician about the interesting names of the patients in Philadelphia.  The attending said, "You are going to see a lot of interesting names here.  One time I met a girl named Usnavy. (Pronounced Us-nah-vee) I asked the parents how they thought of their daughter's name.  They told me that they saw a ship that had the letters U-S-N-A-V-Y one the side.  The decided that they liked the unique name and used it for their daughter.

Good-bye to Dear Friends

Here we are playing with water at the park.  It was good to have as much time with our friends as possible and, like I said before, staying in the house was no longer feasible if I wanted to remain sane.







 Master I had a field trip at the Hogle Zoo that went on together.











Master I dreamed of having a party where him and his two buddies road their razors on the University of Utah campus and then came back to our house for pizza and popsicles.  These boys got really close over the school year.  We were all medical families living on campus.  They carpooled together in the morning.  In the afternoon they would either ride the bus or walk home with me.  They loved to walk home.  It was a two mile walk up hill, but I promised them a popsicle when they got to my house.  I loved watching them get in a great work out and then savor that cool treat.  I was training him to love exercise and work hard. I was giving him an opportunity to exercise hard in the day.  Doing it in a group is so much more fun than Master I doing it with just me.  He could talk with his buddies, plan future parties, and imagine that they were in Star Wars having light saber fights, unaware of how hard he was working his body.  Why was I willing to do that with my day?  I am fighting childhood obesity one child at a time.  Is there any other way this battle can be fought?  I am so grateful for a life where I have been able to devote myself to these vital causes on such a micro level.  And I am grateful for the man that provides and allows me to be living my dream.

 And here is Master I living his dream of having his razor party with his buddies.

 When life got too crazy to maintain at home, we went to stay with our family in Utah County. We filled the days with playing with our cousins and going bowling with Granny.

The End of a Utah Chapter

 

 These were our last days in Utah.  It was a challenging move.  It began by looking at every thing we owned, one piece at a time, and then determining if we were going to take it with us.  To meet the criteria it had to fit in the back of our mini van and be to difficult to replace.  What would fit?  What could I live without? What did I really need in order to meet my goal of making a happy family and giving my children a happy childhood?  It was a tedious process, but was a process that taught me about myself and what was most important to me.  And I have to say it is so liberating to own less stuff and lead a simpler life.

That was just the first step and it totally overwhelmed me.  I think the hardest part was figuring out how to pack the car in the most efficient way.  Mark was working a lot so it was me and the kids.  That is when Annie and Allen came to save me.  They helped me pack the car and they helped me with the kids so that I could do it.  I will love them forever for that.

 It was fun to see the kids after all the furniture was gone to make play houses with the couch cushions that we would be throwing away.  They had fun with what little we had.  I was going crazy.  A kitchen table,  toys, and couches make living at home much easier.  My strategy was to leave the house.

What Heaven Absolutely Must Have

Master W has been weaning himself.  Maybe it is a blessing.  Knowing that this might be my last baby, I don't know if I would ever have the strength to choose to do this.  So, maybe it is mercy that this child is choosing to do it on his own. Someone asked in exasperation if I wanted to nurse him when he was in Kindergarten.  That imagery even makes me chuckle.  Of course not.  It isn't that I want to nurse a child when they are older, it is just that this time has been so sweet it is hard to see it end.

What do I love about it?  I love his sweet dependence on me and how he looks to me to deliver him from hunger. I love the gratitude I see in his eyes because I have heard his cry and will feed him.  I love the  power that I have to soothe and comfort him.  I love that his wriggly body sits still and just lets me hold him, look at him, rock him, and take time for him. I love to be close to him.  I love that it connects him to only me, something that only I can to for him.  It binds him to me. I love that I have to slow down to do this for him.  I love how it connects me to him, that I can't go anywhere for long without him.  It binds me to him.  In some ways it has been the simplest phase of motherhood to me.  I feel like I am many times a day showing him my absolute love and devotion in a way that convinces him.  And I admit it, it is nice to burn calories while I am lying down holding a baby.  It goes by so quickly.  Nursing a baby is just a season of life--a moment.

Wondering if I might not ever be able to nurse my own little baby again has brought upon me this deep melancholy.  I was trying to make sense of it all with a dear friend. She reminded me of the miracle that I have had three babies despite my fertility challenges.  That didn't make me feel better.

Aren't there just some things in life that tasting it only makes you want more?  Like a perfectly baked cookie, an exhilarating hike in a beautiful setting, a heart-felt conversation with a friend, feeling God speak to you through the power of the Holy Ghost.  Who experiences these things and then says to themselves, "Ok, I am done.  I got to taste it.  I am grateful for what I got."  I don't.  I say, "That was really good.  What can I do to have more of that?" When I experience the wonderful things in this life it only wets my appetite and makes me want more.

This is how I feel about being a mother.  Being a mother has been the most satisfying experience of all of my life.  Yet, strangely it has awoken a joy and love within me that I don't think will ever be satisfied.  I don't know if it is possible for me to ever feel "done."

I have had the question asked me by a friend that loved food if I thought that we would get to eat in heaven. Going to Hawaii and Yosemite has made me wonder if this is not what heaven will look like.  In heaven will we have beautiful nature, music that makes your hear soar, and delicious food? Though I have loved these things in this life, I think that I could abide the thought of anyone of these things missing in heaven.  What I can not endure is to not be a mother, to have an end to that joy and to not taste it ever again.  And so I say, "Please God, let me be a mother.  I am not done yet."

The wonderful thing is that through the restored Gospel  I know that this is exactly what heaven will be like...

Red Butte Gardens

Enjoying National Arbor Day at Red Butte Gardens.  I love to be in nature.  I measure how good a day was by if I got to have a good scripture study, if I got to connect with each child doing something fun, and if I was in nature.

Miss R is absolutely obsessed with Snow White.  We tell the story to her over and over again.  I try to change some parts or add details to make it intersting. I usually change and add a lot of detail about what Snow White makes for dinner for the dwarfs.  She doesn't call them dwarfs, they are hi hos.  And they don't live in the cottage, they live in the rillage.

Hi Hos- the dwarfs
Rillage- village, but what she means is cottage

To make Mr W happy, just follow him around in nature and don't tell him no.  Let him go where ever he wants and let him explore.  And while you are following him, if you want to see something cute, say his nickname, "Twister!" in a voice that lets him no that you want him to stop.  You will see his head jut forward, both arms cock back like he is trying to catch a baton, and his little legs move as fast as they can go.  If you had the view of the front of them you would see a huge smile and fear that his mother might catch him.

Arches National Park

We were able to sneak away and go to our favorite Winter/Cool Spring get-way...Arches National Park.

Conqueror

Ms R is imagining that the rocks are a home.  Here she is going to sleep on her "bed." She surprised me most of all.  She loved being there all day.   She liked playing in the sand, making imaginary homes and forts in nature, she like seeing the surroundings, she loved being with her family, and when she was getting tired of hiking all I had to do was imagine with her.  She did the entire Delicate Arch hike on her own  all of the way up and back.  The imaginary game that we played was that Dicky Duck, Squirrel  Nutkin, Bunny Rabbit, Snow White, Rapunzel were all hiking with her.  I was all of their voices.  She fed them snacks and carried them in her hands and had conversations with them all up the trail.  Most of the conversations were centered on her taking them to Lake Tahoe and what they would do there.  She is so fun.

Mr. W checking out to see the face attached to that hand.  "Wait, are you my mom?"  He was happy being outside all day long. This was his dream.

This Dad and this boy need nature.

When the little ones got sick of hiking we just pulled out the sand toys and I played with them while the others finished the hike.

What Rachie is Teaching Me About Motherhood

How to Not Hold a Grudge
The Ms. R is extremely dramatic.  And I think to myself, "Good for her!  Require some work out of your mom and dad." She was such an easy baby and I think I can empathize with the dramatics.  I was the same when I was younger.  She has big feelings.  When Rach starts crying she gets carried away in the emotion of if all and doesn't even remember what it is about.  I'll ask her why she is crying and she'll say something that I know is totally unrelated like needing to see her cousin Charlotte more.  Here is an example of a conversation that I had with her in her in the care the other day while she was crying.

Mom: "I like to be happy."

Rach: "I like to be sad."

Mom: "Why do you like to be sad?"

Rach:  "Because I don't know my letters!" (absolutely nothing to do with it)

Rach:  "You destroyed my life, you destroyed my life!"  (The dramatics)

Rach:  "I wanted Charlotte to love me and not you!" (Somehow it always comes back to Charlotte.)


Rach:  "You aren't a little girl, mom!  She wanted me to go in her room and not you!" (A little jealousy.)

A minute pause.

Rach:  "I just love you." (We always end this way.  Just give her one minute is all.)

How to Gently Say No
Sometimes if she is crying I will pretend like I am crying.  Her nurturing personality always falls for this one.  She will immediately turn her attention to me, take both of her pudgy hands and gently cup my face with her hands and say these exact words in a very happy voice, "I have a good idea!"  Then she will tell me what we could do that she thinks will make me happy.  Sometimes she will be mad at me and tell me I can't play with her toy or something.  I will do the fake cry.  Immediately, she turns her attention to making me happy. Her scowl is erased from her face and she cups my face with her hands and says in a happy voice, "I have a good idea!  You could play with it later!"   I have tried to copy her when I have to say something hard to her like we can't go to the park.  If she is sad, I try to show to her that same tenderness that she shows me.  And so, you could say, that my mother-hearted daughter is teaching me how to mother.

How to Correct Bad Behavior
One other thing that Rachie does that drives me nuts is that she is always hitting and kicking her younger brother.  It drives me crazy.  I try everything to get it to stop.  It is torture for me.  I am a very protective mother and I hate to see a child picked on or hurt.  And so to see one  adored child that doesn't like the adored baby and does things to hurt him is like you are getting ripped in two.  You want to spank the toddler and reassure and love her all at the same time.  (As a side note, I don't believe in spanking, but I am frequently tempted.)

She acted up again at Aunt Tay' house.  I told her that I was disappointed in a very even voice.  I think that word may not be a word that my nearly perfect sister-in-law would choose.  She told me a story of a little boy that hit a lot in nursery and the mother would just react by gently saying that he shouldn't do that.  I guess I really believe in that kind of mothering.  I think that regardless of what I do, yell, punish, whatever, Rachie is going to hit William this year.  I need to choose what I want to say over and over and over again to her.  Eventually she will get it  What will it be?  "You have disappointed me." Or, "Stop! I am so sick of you doing that! You are so mean!"  Or could I choose something more like, "We don't hit because you are a nice sister."  I mean really, if the result is the same, why not program them to believe that they are good?


How Your Dress Effects the Way You View Yourself
Rach lives in her Snow White dress.  When she can't wear that one it is one of her fancy church dresses that she refers to as her Cinderella dress.  It is a major conflict and travesty if she can't wear one of those dresses, but I think that I am beginning to understand why.  She usually always demands that everyone refer to her as Snow White.  One day I called her Snow White when she didn't have her dress on.  She told me that she wasn't Snow White.  I began to notice a trend.  She demanded everyone to call her the name of the person that she was dressed as.  She believes that when she is dressed as Snow White that she actually becomes Snow White.  I wonder if we all are more influenced by how we dressed than what we realize.

Visiting Granny

  

Granny loves to take the kids out to lunch.  She loves to see the great grands happy.


She likes for Master I to choose the place and he chose Fat Cats.  The Fat Cats had a Costa Vida inside.


It is always important to choose a place that has "toys" for the kids to play on.


Later that evening we went to ice cream at the creamery.  We also went to the store so that she could buy the kids their own bag of candy.  These are Granny's requirements:  kids choose eating establishment, kids eat whatever they want to order, kids play on the toys, kids get a bag of treats, kids go to the store for more treats or toys, kids feed the ducks at the BYU botany pond with the bread that she has been saving, and she watches while the kids play at Vivian Park up Provo Canyon.  If she can have all of this joy by bestowing love on her great grands while hopefully catching snippets of meaningful conversation  with one grandchild (now parent) about how good the Lord has been to her in her life, she will feel the Holy Ghost and she will feel that her life is complete.  I was talking with Master I about how much she gives and loves. Her latest idea is that she will give her great grandchildren $100 dollars if they will read a book of scripture all of the way through.  This is a woman that detests spending money on herself.  I told Master I that it is almost like she says to her grandkids in her actions, "Take all that I have, all that I have earned and saved over the years...just promise me that you will be good and be happy."

And she has won the hearts of all of these children.  Just the other day Rachel told me that she wanted to live with the grandma that gives her candy (Granny) and that has scratches (wrinkles) on her face and hands.  I want to grow old and care for nothing but my God and my children and grandchildren. But, could I do it without the scratches?

What Have We Been Up To Lately

 Isaiah insisted that I go to his school for school lunch on the day that they served meatball sandwiches.  He has been raving about this to me for some time now. This is his favorite meal.  I was amazed at how good it was.  Meatball sub on wheat bread, fresh peppers, fresh blueberries, fresh grapes, milk, oven baked potato wedges...the best $1.35 I ever spent.

The other thing that I have been doing a lot lately is walking home with Isaiah and his buddies from school.  I have even taken them hiking.  They can't get enough of it.  They love walking home, trying to beat the bus, and devouring their hard earned popsicle.  The walk two miles up hill.  I love working in exercise to time spent with my children.  And I simply can't get enough of time outside in this gorgeous Spring weather.

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 We had a really fun ward Family Home Evening at This is the Place Heritage Park.  It was very fun, except for the incident with the insolent billy goat.  He walked up to Rach and swung his head to knock her over.  It worked.  I ran over to her and yelled at the goat and prayed he would be intimidated by my increased height.  I held her and tried to calm her by telling her that it was just Big Billy Goat Gruff and he thought she was the troll.

The single best piece of news is that we were able to motivate Miss R to keep dry underpants through the night with a promised prize of a Snow White Toy.  Here she is in Walmart with her reward.  I met a lady selling her book in Costco about teaching children to overcome challenges by changing the way that they think and taking control of their thoughts.  She told the story of how she had a son that was 7 that wet the bed.  What finally helped him to overcome it was that she would scratch his back at night and she would tell him how he was going to wake up the next morning dry. They visualized the whole thing together.  I tried it out with Rach and it worked.  But, I have yet to recreate the same success.  I am going to really focus on doing this with her though.

Other than that, we have been trying to sell stuff on line, cooking, cleaning, reading library books, visiting with family, and trying not to think about Dad's looming test.  He just took it last weekend.  For the week before his test he couldn't eat.  He would eat breakfast out of duty, skip lunch, and feel too sick (from stress) to eat by the time dinner rolled around.  I couldn't wait for him to finally take this darn test and go back to normal life of eating, sleeping, and enjoying other luxuries of life.  Isaiah has prayed for him a lot that he would do well on the test.  I think in the end this test will prove to be a blessing for our family.  Mark has been under such pressure. This makes the kids and I feel compassion for him.  We try to lighten his load and he feels loved.  In the end, we are blessed with a passed test as well as closer relationships.  This is the dream that we are living.

An interesting thing has happened to my heart as Mark has spent a lot of extra time with his colleagues at work.  I love them so much more than I used to and so does he.  We see them as vulnerable and desiring the same things that we desire.  Ther

Molases Crinkles aka Gingersnaps

My husband grew up loving gingersnaps. In their family the cookie was affectionately called "molasses crinkles." I love cookies. They are probably my favorite dessert. But, I am very picky. They should be soft and chewy on the inside and crunchy on the outside. They shouldn't be flat, but they shouldn't be so puffy they resembe a ball either. They must be thick.  It must be the type of cookie that bakeries get away with charging two dollars for.  After making these cookies many times I have come up with a recipe that fits my requirements. My husband was quite pleased.

 Please note that the inside is underdone while the outside is crisp.

1 1/2 Cups of Butter or Margarine

1 Cup brown sugar

1 Cup White sugar

1 Cup molasses

3 eggs

1 tsp salt

1 tsp cream of tartar

1 tsp cloves

2-3 tsp ginger

2 tsp cinnamon

4 tsp baking soda

6 Cups flour

Mix. Refridgerate dough.  Bake at 350 for 10-15 minutes depending on size