Happy Easter

 

Searching for the gigantic family Easter basket

 Found the basket

 Loved the Snow White toys!!!!!!! 

 Loving the little chicks at Aunt Tay's House

 Coloring Easter Eggs with the Cousins

 Hunting for the eggs

 Playing in the backyard

 

Happy Easter!

Sandra Jean!!!

I was cleaning out the car and letting the kids run around on the grass.  Master W kept trying to run out into the road. I kept calling out for him, trying to get him to listen to me.  I guess that Miss R could feel the seriousness of the situation because she piped in too.  She yelled at her little brother in a stern voice, "Sandra Jean!!!"  I don't think I have ever used that name for her, but I have heard Isaiah several times get mad at her and call her by her middle name.  I realized when she yelled that name and her younger brother that she didn't understand that was her middle name.  She just understood that was the name that you yell when you are really made at someone.  And so it seemed perfectly appropriate to yell, "Sandra Jean, " to your younger brother that was going out into the middle of the road.

Confessions of a Closet NPR Fan

I consider myself to be very conservative, but I listen to NPR.  I can't get enough of it. My appetite started in college of learning and pondering about "...things which are at home, things which are abroad; the wars and the perplexities of the nations (Doctrine and Covenants 88:79)." My appetite has only grown and listening in the car while I am out and about is such an easy way for me to get news.  I frequently have a different perspective than the ones that I listen to, and if it is offensive I turn it off.  But, generally I love learning about the perplexities of the nations and the thoughts our citizens have about those issues.

Anyway,while I was in the car today, on the the way to go shopping. I caught the end of the  Dianne Rheem Show.  They were discussing motherhood.  They were talking about how when one becomes a mother one has a feeling of a loss of identity.  I did only catch the end, but I was disappointed in this conversation because it seemed to present their perspective as the only reality.  I wished I could call in, but I couldn't, so I have to write instead.  This is my perspective:

I understand the feeling of loosing one's identity and I suppose I felt that to some degree, but I experienced the opposite in to such a greater degree.  When I became a mother I felt like I felt like I found my identity much more than having the feeling that I lost my identity. I  gave expression to my deepest innate urges to nurture, to love,  to build relationships,  and to build people.  As I have grown into this responsibility, I have said to myself, "This is who I really am." I don't just mean my life's work, I mean the identity of my spirit.  I mean who I was before I came to Earth and had a body and who I will be after I die. I mean my eternal nature.  When I became a mother I found who I was and who I would always be.

I find motherhood to be extremely satisfying. It was more satisfying to give in this way than any other endeavor to do these same things in different realms. If I wasn't a mother I would be a teacher or I would care for the sick because I love to teach and care for others.  I plan on teaching when my work as a mother is no longer a full-time job and teaching is how I made my living before staying at home.  Teaching is satisfying and fulfilling, but for me, being a mother is more so.  I think the effects of a mother are farther reaching, the love is more intense, and the sacrifice is greater.  I cannot imagine having work feel more fulfilling than what I have felt in motherhood.

I, like everyone, have had discouraging moments when I am doing the absolutely mundane and I wonder, "What am I doing with my life?" I have also had plenty of my husband's colleagues look at me and think or ask outright the same question, "What are you doing with your life?"   I have pondered the best way to explain why I have decided to spend my life changing diapers, making dinners, cleaning a house, etc. to someone that is puzzled by my choice.   Some people can accept that staying at home with a child might be the best thing for the child, but how it could be the best thing for the mother seems unfathomable. For me, the answer is in your definition of the purpose of life.  Is the purpose of life to get money, to acquire the fine things of life, to travel, to have fame, to be entertained, or to have success in your chosen career? I don't believe that any of these things are the purpose of our lives, but we can give our lives to these things unknowingly.  I believe that the purpose of life is to become more like God so that we can return to live with Him someday with our families.  I don't believe that there is any endeavor that gives me the opportunity to become more like my Father in Heaven than being a mother on this Earth.

My Life

I blog, not to so much to connect with other people, as to connect with myself.  I want to record and ponder  the most special parts of life that make me laugh or feel a deep feeling of love.  I am afraid that if I don't record it I won't remember it.  I am afraid that if I don't record it I won't have spent the amount of time that I need to in order to understand of feel the significance of what is happening.  I am afraid that because of the quick pace of life,  if I don't record funny things that I might smile at something funny instead of laughing so hard that I cry.  Writing and recording is a way for me to savor as well as remember the wonderful parts of my life right now. 

I also think of the grandparents.  Somehow they are right there with me in cherishing my children and valuing the happenings of my very ordinary life.  There are even a very few siblings and friends  that somehow love me and take joy in connecting with me through this boring, yet intimate picture of my life.  I am always shocked that they took the time to read, let alone enjoyed my ramblings!  And I love them for loving me.  I even imagine my children reading my  blog journaling one day and coming to know me, understanding how hard I tried, how much I failed and repented, and how greatly I loved them. 

Master W

I wonder why I can't seem to keep naughty things out of his mouth and keep the good things in.  There is so little he can eat that it kills me when he spits out the things that I so carefully prepare for him to eat. The things he eats are usually expensive and took a lot of thought to prepare.  He is going through a phase where everything that I put in his mouth he pushes it out again and picks it up with his fingers.  The irony is that I am always fishing out of his mouth marbles, Rachie's hair elastics, and other random things foraged from the ground.

Princess

This is the new name that she has declared.  She either asks me to call her this or Snow White.  Everyday she demands to either wear her fanciest church dresses or her Snow White costume.

I very carefully tried to help her to fall in love with Snow White.  I love her character.  I can't say the same for all of the Disney princesses.  I love how modestly she is dressed.  I love that she doesn't have a chip on her shoulder or a rebellious stand off with loving parents.  I love that the dwarfs love her because she is so loving to them.  They appreciate the food she makes and the home that she makes a haven.  Master I asked why I loved Snow White so much and I told him, "Because she is a mother."

At this point Miss R piped in indignantly, "No her is not! Her is a princess!"

At the park this week Miss R found a new friend to play with.  I was helping Master W navigate the play structure.  Then I picked up a little on the conversation she was having with her friend.

Friend:  "But your hair isn't black.
Miss R:  "Yes it is."
Friend:  Turns to me and sincerely asks, "Is she really Snow White."
Miss R: "Yes, I am really Snow White.  I don't have any other name!"

Miss R gave me a kiss on the cheek yesterday while she was eating croutons.  She was staring at my cheek afterwords and said, "That's my food on there!"

Miss R is constantly hitting, pushing over, kicking, and wrestling Master W.  The part I don't understand is how contrite she is each time and promises, "I will never do it again!"  She loves to playfully wrestle with him as well.  When she does she calls him, "Angerdog."  I think that she got the name from not understanding what Master I was meaning when he was pushing her on the swing and yelling underdog.

You know it is time to dye your hair again when your daughter gasps with delight while she is brushing your hair and exclaims, "Your hair is turning brown like mine!"  That is what Miss R said to me today.

Master I
We are finishing the fourth Work and the Glory book.  We both are loving it.  He wants to see Missouri so much after imagining in his mind what has happened there for the past book. I don't know if I have ever felt more loved by anyone more than by him. I am really trying to help him to not fight with the Princess.  They are making up for the years that he was an only child and I didn't have to worry about sibling rivalry.

Me
I am looking forward with great longing towards this summer.  I can't wait to be in Valencia in the pool with the kids or playing in Penryn and not have to worry about packing a house, selling stuff, wrapping up a calling, doing homework, baking bread, reaching out to others.  I enjoy all of these aspects of my life, but I love the contrast of the simplicity of summer.  I love being in other people's homes with my kids because I feel like I can concentrate solely on being a mother and not having other distractions and tasks.

I can't wait to do the cross-country trip with my dad.  I am sure that it will be a ton of work, but I can't wait! I can't wait to see the Church history sites.  I can't wait for the adventure of it all and to see how the kids do.  Weird...I know.  I can't wait to try all of the movies, snacks, and games I have thought of in order to make it doable for the kids.  I can't wait to give Master I all of the food money and seeing how he rations it.  I can't wait to see my sis in Tennessee and all of those kids that I love.  I can't wait to eventually explore a new home in Philadelphia.  There is so much work in order to be able to get to summer break, but I guess that will make it all the more sweet.  The hardest task will be fitting everything into our car and getting rid of everything else.  It is an enormous amount of work and enough to make me swear off ever buying another thing again.  Of course Mark is Thoreau and wants to enjoy the spirituality of the simple life.  He welcomes all of this as a great adventure.  And I have to admit, I am really excited about this part as well.

Master Mark
He is a slave to boards.  He is always studying and at work late doing review sessions to prepare for this big test.  We are going to Arches National Park next weekend.  This is his favorite place on Earth. I hope that it is everything that he has been dreaming of for the past year.

General Conference

We had our traditional conference picnic with my brothers right by temple square between sessions on Saturday.  They had an extra ticket so one of us could attend.  Master I said he would really like to go, so he got to be the lucky one.  To my delighted surprise, master I loved conference this year.

Not too many conferences ago we started trying to do the conference  packets with games for children that have become so popular.  What ended up working the best for us is just drawing a picture of something from the talk of each of the apostles.  Master I still remembers the past conference talks from doing that.  This year we also started having a special word  like “faith” that if they heard they would get a fruit snack.  Both of these strategies have been very motivating.  But this year he wasn’t interested in drawing pictures, he wanted to take notes.  He listened to every talk of every session intently and took notes.  He wanted to make sure that he was in his suit and that he looked really nice, even when were at home for some sessions.   He sung the intermediate hymns at the top of his lungs with gusto.  He went to the Sunday morning session with me in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building.  At the end of the conference he asked me what my favorite talks were.  And he had his own favorites!  He loved President Packer and President Uchtdorf.  During some talks he would comment to me or ask me questions.  It was surreal.  It was such companionship to me.

I looked at him after Sunday am session and said, “I am trying to figure you out.  I believed that some day you would love conference, but I thought it would be when you were 18 not 8.  Where is the boy that told me that he was going to kill me with a knife and throw me in a pit (the idea came from Joseph in Egypt)?  Or the boy that walked into the store with his sword and when I urged him to keep up with me he told me that he needed to fight his friends (peers) first?”  Master I just laughed at it, but I marveled all day long.

Then I looked at Miss R and asked myself how can I do with her what I did with him.  What did I do?  I wonder if it was that I got a grip on his heart one day at a time of creating train tracks, reading books, and playing games.  He grew out of those infernal behaviors, but he didn’t grow out of the relationship that I had with him.  So the behaviors fell away naturally and I was left holding his heart.  So what will I do with Miss R?  I will continue to try to persuade her to behave, but I will keep a firm grip on her heart, knowing that she will outgrow and what will be left is my relationship with her. 

I also feel such an urgency to take advantage of R’s childhood, as I did with Master I, by playing with her, imagining with her, making her days fun, working with her,  caring for her when she is sick, making her yummy foods, reading to her, talking to her, and singing to her.  It is hard to see in the moment that I am having any effect.  Building a relationship and teaching a child about God is like trying to build a fire in nature the old fashioned way.  I have this image in my mind from the movie Cast Away of me as Tom Hanks,  on my hands and knees, rolling a stick between my hands to create friction, and gently blowing the delicate flickers of light.  Each morning it feels like I am back where I started from…on my hands and knees trying with my blistered hands to make a fire; wondering if it is working.  I remember feeling this way with Master I and I feel this way with Rach.  The only difference with Rach is that I know what happens when you gently try to nurture little embers to fires.  With Master I it is a fire that I no longer have control of.  I stand back and watch the flames in awe.

April Fool's Day

I made cupcakes that were really meatloaf with pink colored mashed potatoes.  I had such hope that the kid's would be so tricked.  It was a bit of work to prepare it without their seeing it and to tell the truth, it wasn't all that funny.  Master I just said, "Huh, the frosting tastes like mashed potatoes."  Miss R didn't even care what it tasted like....it was pink! My only hope on having expended all of the effort on that one was that they will look back on it and think it was funny or fun. 

Easter Joy School

We grew wheat grass last week as we were talking about the joys of nature.  We used our grass this week to make garden tombs.  They made roses out of starburst, trees out of totsie rolls and rice crispies, and garden tombs out of egg cartons.  The stone that was rolled away was a little cookie.

 

We also made little nests out of rice crispy treats with eggs inside and a little bird.