"Every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit." John 15:2
God has made no secret of His intent to prune us--to have us suffer in the short term, that we might be more productive in the long term.
Regardless of his stated intent, I have been surprised by these chastening experiences. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I thought that my attempts to live a holy, consecrated life merited the reward of living a happy life.
As I scratched my head in confusion with why God would allow or even desire for me to have such painful experiences, it was suggested to me that we are given trials so that we can have compassion for others in their suffering.
I was grasping for a strong answer that I could hold on to, that I might steady myself. And that explanation didn't feel strong. It felt very flimsy. I imagined myself, after years of suffering, having a 10 minute conversation with someone going through similar difficulties. In that conversation I would have that promised compassion that came at the price of having gone through similar trials. I thought to myself, "No, thank you. I'll fake having the compassion instead." My heartache seemed to be such an exquisitely high price to pay for compassion for the suffering of others. And I was dubious that my imagined, future suffering friend would notice or even care significantly about my increase in compassion to merit such a price.
I don't feel this way anymore.
I had an exquisite day yesterday. I felt joy. I believe that joy came from an increase in compassion. Maybe the joyful life that is a reward of righteousness comes more from the attributes we acquire, rather than the circumstances we find ourselves in.
My service was so simple. I rearranged my morning to be able to go to the park with Master I before his school to play basketball with him. I cleaned my house the rest of the morning. I tried to make it fun for Twister by chasing him with the vacuum, helping him to earn quarters by doing jobs with me, and letting him play with his toys as long as his attention would permit. We actually had quite a fun morning. We tried to help a girl that had just moved here from New Jersey to make friend and fit in by having a party for her at the pool. Then we gathered all the 11 year old boys to play basketball to burn of the stress of the first week of middle school with some intense exercise and wholesome fun with their friends.
What a simple day, what a joyful day. To look on others, contemplate their troubles, to have our hearts break for them, to search our minds with what we might do to help, and then to reach out in our very simple way to show love... this is compassion. This is what I paid such a high price for. And it was worth it.With an increase in compassion, I increase in my ability to experience the joyful, abundant life.
I am learning that the amount of joy we feel in this life is directly proportionate to the amount of love we feel for others. And so we can find a joy that no man can take from us.
It is experiences like these that make me trust God more and trust myself less. Whenever I scratch my head or raise my eyebrow, at something the Lord taught, in time I learn He really was right. I have had this experience enough times that I recognize the pattern. I believe that God will eventually answer my other questions that I have in the same way He has in the past. This is faith.
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