yearning

gkjg

The Sunday Evening Post

This didn't last long.  Way too many giggles to fall asleep.  Finally she fell asleep downstairs with me.  About an hour later Isaiah woke-up by throwing up all over the bed.  The party was over.  William woke -up after me having put so much effort into getting him to sleep by me and I knew that it was a matter of time before Isaiah exploded again.  I packed everyone up in the car and drove to Salt Lake at 12:00 at night.  This was my low point.  A perfectly good party....ruined.  Or at least cut short.

Rachel discovered her reflection in my eyes and said in absoulte delight, "I see Rachel's in your eyes!"

Rachel and I were out running errands and an older woman told her that she was beautiful and asked what her name was.  "Rachel," she promptly responded. The woman then complimented William and asked Rachie what his name was.  There was a pause, but then she gave her answer, "Twister."  That won a shocked look from the woman.  Twister is William's nickname.

Rachel has begun to read.  She loves sounding out S-T-O-P on the red signs.  She is so thrilled and proud of herself.  I took her through the neighborhood instead of on the freeway so that she could have lots of opportunites to practice.  That night she showed her daddy and she kept thanking me for teaching her.

I had a wonderful time teaching Rachie's preschool class.  We were learning about the body.  We put together these hinge bodies to sing our Hinges song to.  We also put some organs in the bodies and assembled mini skelletons.  We are going talk this week about treating your body like a temple and we will learn about healthy food and modesty.  We are going to make modest cloths for our dolls.  I am having the time of my life.  I love this stuff.

We went to see Seth's play this weekend.  I didn't anticipate how important this would be for him.  When he stepped on the stage he immeadiately combed the audience with his eyes looking for his fan club.  When he saw us he smiled and raised his hand about an inch by his pockets, in an attempt to give a discreet hello.  He was the only child that I saw do this.  I also didn't anticipate what it would be like for the cousins to do this for Seth.  They were so happy to be there for him.  They called out his name and chhered for him.  We gave him a Root Beer at the end for his flowers.  This was his choice.  He was so proud of that Root Beer. 
To see the love that my children had for Seth and to see the appreciation that he had for them gave me joy.

Grandma Jean's Baptism

A Winter Walk Through Red Butte Gardens

 

We honestly don't know how to survive Winter.  We love being outdoors so much.  We dream of being able to put our own Orangerie in our house like the one at Red Butte Gardens and we wonder if we could l ever get into Winter sports if we had the money and our children were the right age to participate.

Happy Birthday!!!

 William's birthday cake was a Jamba Juice since he can't tolerate a real cake with his allergies.
  He loved, loved it.

As I contemplate the last year with William, I marvel that all I feel is love and sorrow that it is over. I wonder at how I can cherish days that were so challenging. It is difficult to try to soothe an inconsolable baby. William was that baby.  It was especially hard on Mark.  I remember Mark saying that there is no sound of a baby crying that was pleasant, but something about William's pitch was just torture for him.  In those moments that I walked the house with a screaming baby I remember turning to jelly beans and mint Oreos (allergy free) more than anything else.  I remember feeling the dread of trying to help him and failing.  His cries made me feel that I had failed and was continuing to fail as I sought to calm and comfort him.  I would do anything to just stop the sound of that crying, but I couldn't.  I couldn't just leave him to suffer on his own in his crib so I just tried the best I could to soothe him... and ate so many Oreos.  Now, William's suffering is over, my stress levels are back to normal, and all I am left with is an overwhelming feeling of love for this boy.  Could I feel the same love for him if I left the care of him to another for this year and then came back to be his mother?  I can't imagine how that could be true.  Maybe the last year of caring for him under such difficult circumstances was the price I paid to feel the love that I do.  Would I do it again?  There is no question.  My only question is what I can do so that I might always be filled with this love.

Our "party"was the following day.  We went to Dad's work and brought him lunch.

William has such a happy temperament now. I think it was probably his allergies that made him so miserable.  I love this look that he gives me.  You can kind of see it here.  He puts his chin to his chest and looks at me  through long lashes, giving me the sweetest grin.

What could be better than this?

The Sunday Evening Post

Rachel's Valentine's Day Party

 I had to race to the grocery store right before Rachel's party to get her cards.  I asked Rachel if she would like the butterfly ones.  She said, "No. I want the skullun ones."  She pointed to  hologram cards that had skeletons that changed into guitars with words printed on the cards saying, "You rock!"  I was dismayed, but I was also in a hurry.  Instead on using my skills of persuasion and redirection, I bought the rocker cards.  While Rachel passed out her cards I sheepishly explained the cards to the other moms saying that I didn't have time to persuade and I didn't want to fight. 

 I was puzzled and a little troubled with her choice until she was talking about it to Isaiah later on that day.  She told him, "I bought the skulluns playing violins!"  So, she thought the electric guitars were her lovely violins!  That made me feel much better.  When I got to thinking about it, skeletons aren't so weird for her either.  When your daddy is a doctor and is constantly studying at home, skeletons aren't representative of the dregs of humanity.  Rather, they are a fascinating part of each of us worth intense study. 

 After yet another  Sunday of Rachel refusing to stay in Nursery without her mother (at three years old), I decided it is time for me to try to teach her the skill of not being with her mom.  One way I did that was to take her to My Gym to try out at class.  She was terrified at first.

 

 But, eventually she loved it!

By the end she threw a fit when we had to leave. 

I would sign her up, but I found a less expensive way to accomplish the same goal.  I found a friend at church that is willing to teach gymnastics one day a week and I will teach preschool to the girls one day a week.  Maybe in Philly we will do a little class for her.

Isaiah's Class

 I took this picture of Isaiah with his class to give to the teacher for Teacher Appreciation Week.   We also had Isaiah's Valentine's Day party in his class. We did a rotation of games, crafts, and food.  I ran the food table.  I had each child take a turn to being in the hot seat, but we called it the heart seat.  They had a crown of hearts that we put on their head and we went around the table so that each child could say something that was wonderful about the child in the heart seat.  It has been fun this year to be the room mom.

Our high point this week was going to the Children's Museum.

 

 

Our other high point was that this week was Mark and my anniversary.  We have been married for 11 years!  Our low point was all of the messes that the kids made while I was trying to cook our special meal.  Here is one that William made.  He was so quiet behind me that I forgot about him.  He had gotten into the fridge, pulled down the container of beans, opened it, and began to happily eat them.  He loves beans. 

Rachel Turns 3

Rachie trying to warm up by sipping hot cocoa at the zoo.

 This week when I tried to clean Rachie's ears with a q-tip and she screamed, "Don't floss my ears!"  I liked that use of the word floss.  Floss-when Mom takes away your personal space to do something intrusive and uncomfortable.






Rachel turned three!  On the day of her birthday we celebrated at home. 

 Breakfast was pancakes in the shape of threes and a miniature cake.  We sang Happy Birthday and unwrapped presents.   She was absolutely enthralled with a little toy house with furnishings and people.  We literally played with that all day long with that toy.

On Friday we celebrated with a tea party with her cousins.  It was so fun.  It was Aunt Kristen that made it truly wonderful with all of  her entertaining flair.  I love that woman.  I love her generosity, her sincerity, and all of her cute dishes. 


I had been saving this dress for months for this party.  Of course this week she fell on the sidewalk and skinned her nose. 

After the party we played games at the park.  We were driving home from the park after a fun and full day, but Isaiah was devastated that he didn't have a chance to play Skylanders.  We turned back to Kristen to play for another 3 hours.

I love Rachel so much.  I thought of that today when I had to take her out of Sacrament Meeting for her naughty behavior.  She was mad at me for something. She was crying and saying in a loud voice that I was being mean.  I kept trying to hush her to no avail.  Finally, in her fury she cocked her arm, threatening to throw her My Little Pony.  Unfortunately it wasn't just an idle threat and the pink pony went sailing.  Up to that point I put off taking her outside because I was alone with the kids on the pew and didn't want to do it.  ( Mark was just released from the Bishopric so he would have been sitting with me, but because he was speaking he was on the stand.) The flying pony motivated me. I left Isaiah, put William on my hip, and with the free hand took her by the hand to sit on her own chair in the foyer.   Trying to show her that I meant business, I sat her on her own chair in the foyer while I sat on the couch.  She was fuming at first, but eventually she wanted to sit on my lap.  I sat looking at her in the foyer and thought to myself, "You are exactly what I wanted."  I felt two emotions simultaneously:  firmness and determination to teach her and amusement and love.  I didn't want a girl that didn't need a mother. I wanted a normal girl that would be amazingly sweet as well as demanding the best of me. I wanted a real child that needed a real mother.   A real mother to me is someone that yes bakes delicious things, reads inspiring books, plays fun games, but who also loves enough to teach the hard lessons.

I wish that I would have felt that love and amusement on Saturday when I was making her clean up her board books.  She threw a book not thinking where it would go and it hit me in the eye.  I was livid.  I was outraged.  It hurt so bad I cried.  She didn't mean to do it and didn't understand. What could I do but explain to her what happened?  It didn't seem fair.  I was sure I would get a black eye.  I wanted a black eye so that I could tell Mark and my friends that love me, "Look what happened to me!"


Rachie fell asleep for her Sunday nap while she was watching her Sunday movie

Isaiah guarding his opponent in Junior Jazz.

Isaiah thought that fast Sunday last week should actually be called slow Sunday.  By the end, he was moaning on the couch and eventually fell asleep.  I told him that he could break his fast with me (I broke my fast at 3:30 because I am nursing), but he didn't want anything to  do with that idea.  He wanted to go the full 24 hours.

William hasn't had any food reactions for a while.  I have even started to try to eat some of the foods that he is allergic to and I haven't noticed any reaction.  I wouldn't dare feed anything to him that he is allergic to, but it is nice to have some more freedom on my side.  Peanut butter and jelly never tasted so good.

A Week in Review

Master I

Isaiah is doing really well at basketball.  It is so fun to watch to him play.  I remember watching my older brothers play and praying for them that they would win.  I literally remember pleading with God to help them to win the game while I had knots in my stomach.  I even remember fantasizing that Coach Barker would turn to me,   put me in the game, and that I would win the game for my brother's team.    Now, just years later, I feel the same excitement, fear, and hope as I watch my own boy play.  Only I don't fantasize about the coach putting me in the game.

Rachel's stories from the week

I took Rachel to see the violin store.  She loves the violin.  I remember when she was really young she looked at one and said quietly, but with longing, "That is my favorite."  Ever since then I have wanted to put her in lessons to see if it really would be a love of hers on not just something she said one day.  So far, she has consistently loved the violin.

I told Rachel the other day, "You are my angel."  She furrowed her eyebrows together and said, "I am not an angel!  Look at my back, "she said while showing me her back.  "I don't got any wings.  I am not an angel.   We need to go to the store to get me some wings."

After going out to do an activity together we came home for naps. I thought that Rachel followed me up the stairs but she didn't.  I waited for her to come up, but she was totally silent and didn't come up for a while. Finally, I called downstairs for her to come up.  She said, "Okay, but I was starving for this."  Then it all clicked...the prolonged silence downstairs, her not coming to me.  She found a treat.  She appeared in my room holding 2 large slices of banana bread  and repeated herself emphatically, "I was starving for this!"

Yesterday Rachie wanted to wear my coat and walk around the house.  She had a lot of fun, but I got worried that she was going to get it dirty so I asked if I could take it off of her.  She said, "No!  I was starving for this!"

William

Here is racing up the stairs and looking back at me with a big smile because he knows he is doing something naughty.  He loves that I chase after him.  He goes for those stairs at top speed and then smiles at me.

Unfortunately, he got a lot quicker this week.  I took him  downstairs to the kitchen with me and started talking to Rach about something.   In not time at all he raced out of my room and up the stairs.  When I realized he wasn't with me and went searching for him.  Luckily, I got to him before he fell all the way down.  He fell down maybe 3 stairs. The sickening thud of him banging against the step and seeing his somersault down the stairs was enough to scare me into being extra careful.


"Mister Twister" is the perfect baby.  Well, for me anyway.  He is so happy as long as I am holding him.  He loves my affection and attention.  However, he is also happy to play on his own and is an active, curious boy.  He started walking and standing at 10 months.  He is active, yet cuddly--the perfect combination.