Relationships

I was recently reading an article from the perspective of a single man in his thirties that longed for family life. One thing in the article that stuck out to me was how it pained him to hear men talk negatively about having children when it was something he desired so much. I remember feeling a similar feeling when I struggled with infertility. As I recalled that time in my life, I tried to put my finger on what it was about having children that I desired so much. I asked myself why is it that human beings long to have children. What are they longing for really? Children are expensive. Is it that we long to take care of something? No, at least not for me. Children require so much of our energy in raising them. Do we long to have a meaningful life and purpose to throw ourselves into? No, at least not for me. I think what I longed for was relationships. I wanted a someone little to love me as their Mama. And I in turn wanted to adore a child.

In our family scripture study last week we read a scripture from the book of John. I don’t even remember what the scripture was, but I remember us discussing the real purpose in life. M talked about one of his colleagues that wasn’t able to perform her duties at work because of a terrible sunburn. She was so embarrassed and kept apologizing. M said, “Hey, don’t worry. This is the purpose of life…to be kind to you. It is more important than even the work we all do as doctors today.”

All of M’s thoughts reminded me of my situation as a mother. So easily I can be abrupt with my children because I am trying to get a task done like cleaning or cooking, and in so doing I forget that being nice to them is the whole purpose of my day and the most important thing that I do. Em agreed with my thought and said, “We can be so callous and careless with those relationships when they are the most special things we have.” And there that word came up again…relationships.

I had a friend that commented to me that I can be so hard on myself in motherhood and asked me why. Was it that my Church teaches that we must strive for perfection? As I pondered her question I tried to figure it out. I don’t think it was the perfection doctrine, but maybe the doctrine on how important your work as a mother is. One prophet said, “No success can compensate for failure in the home?” What does that even mean to have a failure in the home? I wonder if it isn’t a failed relationship.

What does it even mean that the family can be eternal? I think the Proclamation on the Family states that it is the relationships that are eternal. As I have pondered that this week, I have felt so strongly that we preserve and pour energy into making wonderful relationships in our families. Maybe we will realize one day that making a relationship that you want to be eternal is as important as having the ordinance performed in the temple making it eternal.

All of these thoughts keep coming to me this week about relationships--how important they are and how such an emphasis should be placed on making them excellent. I have wondered if these thoughts were from a loving Father in Heaven that wanted me to direct my best efforts into the tings that would bring me the most joy.

Some Funny Things That Master I Said This Week

“Mom, do you know what’s kinda sad? All of my favorite movies are violent, like Kung Fu Panda and stuff. And it is the violent parts that I like. And the prophets said we shouldn’t watch violent things.”

Little Miss R was wanting to talk to me while I was saying my morning prayers. I usually am able to pray before they wake up, but this morning they woke me up at the shameful hour of 9:00!! Anyway, it was obvious that I was praying because I was on my knees and my eyes were closed. She started saying, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!”

Master I stopped her and said, “R… Mommy needs time for Mommy right now.”

Zion's National Park

Two angels on Earth--Mom H and Master W. Master W has truly become an angel lately. His grandparents were so impressed with how easy and happy he was. He gives me such joy when I look at him and he immediately smiles and makes noises. I feel he loves me and that makes me adore him!


Master I’s only sorrow was that he didn’t get to do the long hard hikes. He looks forward to the promised hikes of the Narrows, Angel’s Landing, and Observation Point. Much to Grandma's chagrin, Grandpa even commited to doing Angel's Landing with him.

Little Miss R terrorized her Dad in that backpack, making it hard for him to fully feast on these surroundings.


I loved having Mom and Dad H there. They got us into the park. They thought our kids were adorable and they truly made the trip fun for them. They babysat while M and I had our own little hike. And, as always, we had wonderful conversations with them along the way and at night in our hotel while the kids were sleeping.


M is taking a little break from Miss R and trying to contemplate the beauties of nature while he can. If only it were that easy! Somehow it is difficult to feel peaceful and enjoy nature when you say to yourself, “Ok, I have three minutes without a child screaming in my ear to fully enjoy this. 1, 2, 3...Go!”


Our family at the Emerald Pools

Master W loved this trip. He got to be held all day long in the upright position. What could be better than this!




Master I scrambling around the sandstone

M and my get away hike while the grandparents watched the kids

Wheat Flour Tortillas

3 C Wheat flour
2 C white flour
2 tsp sea salt
1/2 C Crisco (butter flavored)
1/8 tsp baking powder (optional)
1 1/2 C really hot water (hot enough to melt the Crisco

1. Use the wisk attachment for the Bosch to combine dry ingredients with Crisco until the Crisco is the size of peas.
2. Attatch the kneading hook to the Bosch and knead the dough with the hot water.
3. Knead until smooth(apx 3 minutes).
4. Cut dough into 8-12 chunks
5. Let dough rest 1 hour
6. Roll dough into tortilla shape
7. Cook on a hot skillet until bubbles form and then flip and cook on the other side
8. Place into a plastic bag to keep moist and soft

Winning Their Hearts Through Nurturing

Recently I had a friend tell me that she could understand why many women choose to work in an office instead of the work in the home. “So much of what you do at home is so quickly undone or gone by the end of the day. You make a wonderful meal To plan, prepare, and serve it takes hours. When it is done you have nothing to show for it but a dirty kitchen!” After a few more of her examples I had to agree that is definitely a hard part of motherhood. It is easy to finish a day, or a year, or a decade and say to oneself, “What did I do? What do I have to show for my work?”

This week I was reading the account of Ammon, the great missionary in the Book of Mormon. I reviewed principles that I tried to learn as a full-time missionary. When Ammon determined to teach the Lamanites the Gospel of Jesus Christ before he ever began to preach there was a long-term, open-ended commitment to get to know the people that he wanted to teach (Alma 17:23). Then an opportunity naturally came where he was able to do something that he longed to do--“Win the hearts of these my fellow servants” (Alma 17:29). Once these people knew Ammon and he had won their hearts the Lamanites asked Ammon the questions and Ammon merely testified . And the results were unbelievable (Alma 18:14-42).

As I read the chapter my thoughts naturally started by thinking of my friends that I love and hope accept the truth, but then I began to think of my children who I daily lay down my life for and for whom I will do anything to have the truth written in their hearts. Aren’t our children really our best investigators? Isn’t that what I am trying to do… “win their hearts?”

I shared this verse with a friend that has nearly finished raising her children what she did to win their hearts. “Oh, I don’t know? What about you?” We both couldn’t think of anything to say because nothing we ever did seemed that spectacular. I sheepishly said, “Well, I guess I see it in my son when I prepare a really good meal for my family with lots of side dishes. He loves food. Or if I lay down by him at night when I am putting him to sleep and talk to him”

My not -so-grandiose example gave her more confidence to share hers, “You know, my kids just are going so fast in so many different directions that the only time that they are still is when they sit next to me in Sacrament meeting. And so I just sort of have my hand on their back and lightly move it back and forth. And do you know what I’ve noticed? When my hand gets tired and I put it down my son will put his arm around me.”

“You won his heart.” I tell her. It occurs to me that our seemingly inconsequential examples that we think of to share with each other are actually examples of the power of nurturing.

It is so easy to feel that it is waste of time to get to know and then to win the hearts of investigators through service. As a full-time missionary I wanted to barge into a home, ask 2 get-to-know you questions, and then present the message for them to accept and reject. Sometimes I find myself feeling a similar way now in my life as a wife and mother. I am tempted to deliver my proclamations of the Gospel to those I love in a matter of fact tone , declaring the way things really are, and laying down the law. I don’t see the connection between my bringing my family to the Lord and the dinner I cook or the bedtime routine…until I ponder the story of Ammon.

Then my grandma is “brought to my remembrance (John 14:26).” She was an Ammon to her wayward son when she was in her 80’s and he was in his fifties. He had left the Church in his youth, shortly after his mission. Like Ammon, she told her son through her actions, “I desire to dwell among this people for a time; yea, and perhaps until the day I die.” She told him this by her repeated efforts to have a relationship with him with no Gospel strings attached. Like Ammon took the time to get to know her investigator son and she gave him the time that he needed to come to know her. Like King Lamoni, my uncle got to know his mother and reached a point when he marveled at her character and love and his heart cried, “Surely there has not been any servant among all my servants that has been so faithful as this woman” (Alma 18:10).

Because Grandma was seeking for ways to connect with her son the opportunity to “win the heart” (Alma 17:29) came naturally--just as it did for Ammon. This intellectual son had a pastime of reading physics books. And so Grandma took up physics in her 80’s. Her son would lend her a book, she would read it, and they would discuss it once a week. Just as happened with King Lamoni, questions about God naturally came to my uncle and he asked them to his mother in their conversations. Their conversations revolved around science, God, and the cosmos. Grandma held his heart. I am sure that the testimony that she shared came as a short, gentle answer to the questions of his soul.

My grandmother’s love and nurture were not schemes to turn her children’s hearts to God. Her actions were a natural outpouring of the deep feelings of her heart. I don’t believe that she anticipated the power and influence that her nurturing has had in the lives if her children and grandchildren.

Nurturing can seem like a waste of time to us, like spending the time to get to know and serve the people could have seemed to Ammon. Actually, for hundereds of years the Nephites tried to preach the Gospel to the Lamanites. But the effect of their missionary efforts were that Lamanites wanted to kill the Nephites, burn their records, and wandered about the wilderness half naked eating raw meat (Enos 1:20). When you think about it, the true waste of time is trying to teach the Lamanites without doing first what Ammon did.

It can seem sometimes that there is nothing to show for our work in motherhood. After a day of work you can ask yourself, “What did I do?” After pondering the lesson of Ammon, I have an answer for you. You got to know them, they got to know you, you won their hearts. And now you wait for the time that your King Lamoni will ask you a question and you will testify with all of your heart, and because you have won his heart you might even have the power to convert a Lamanite king… “That is influence; that is power! (Julie B. Beck, “Mothers Who Know”).

Pionner White Bread Recipe or ...... Jalepeno Cheddar Bread

(Note: these aren't my loaves because my camera is broken)

Pioneer White Bread
4 C Warm water
2 T yeast
5 C flour
3/4 C sugar

Mix ingredients in a Bosch until smooth (1 minute). Let rest until doubled in size or until to the top of the bosch (1 hour). Add:

2 T sea salt
5 C flour (or enough until the sides of the Bosch kneed clean)

Let knead for 5 minutes. Shape into 4 loaves or 12 mini loaves. Let loaves raise until doubled in size. Mini loaves bake at 325 for 30 minutes. This makes exquisite french toast--thick and chewy slices.

Jalepeno Cheddar Bread
I like to take half of the dough (2 loaves) and mix in after the dough is ready to be shaped into loaves:

2 C cheddar cheese cut into 1 inch cubes
1/2 C canned jalepenos

I shape these into 6 round loaves and put on a cookie sheet. I brush egg on the crust and sprinkle grated cheese (optional!). I let the loaves double in size and bake on a cookie sheet at 325 for 30 minutes.

I bake a lot of bread because Mark takes a mini loaf of bread, cheese sticks, and a piece of fruit everyday for lunch.

A Week in Review

Our Master Mind
"Master I" made a kookubura costume for his 1st grade school play

"Master I" lost a tooth. When I looked underneath his pillow I found that he used my one and only nice thank you card to write a message for the tooth fairy. The tooth was enclosed and this was the message of the note:

For tuth fary
I Hhve lost a tuth
ples give me $15
Love I.....

















Miss R
"Where are my grippers?" Grippers are scriptures and she claims as her own her dad's very small copy of The Book of Mormon. It fits perfectly in her hand and she loves to carry in arround the house.

"Miss R" loves playing with her older brother and keeping him awake. They stay awake for hours after we have put them down because she is always tring to playing with him and make him laugh. Playing in this way comes naturally to her in a way that wasn't true for him. He finds joy in her and so the cycle perpetuates itself. So, when his friends come over she thinks that they have all come to dote on her.


"Master W" with Zacky.

Mandy's Musings
When I went to Red Butte Gardens this week I was amazed at how quickly nature changes. I was disappointed when I found that the flowers that I had enjoyed so much in the previous week were already beginning to fade. And yet, I was suprised by the beauty of the flowers that were just starting the week before. I couldn't have guessed that the new flowers would have taken the center stage of those flower beds like they did. I wished that last week flowers could still be in the height of their glory along with the newly bloomed flowers of this week. Then I thought to myself, "But, that isn't how it works, is it? The beauty in nature is fleeting and always changing. We must enjoy the current stage because it will not last."

Something about that reasoning was so familiar to me--a lesson that I already have learned in a different context. Children grow quickly for better and for worse. Their annoying phases... fade, but so do the darling things that they do. It is perishable fruit in its perfectly ripened state, demanding to be enjoyed today. And so in this state of constant good and bad we must choose what we will focus on. We must learn to savor the good, even while there is much that needs improvement. We cannot wait until everything is perfect with our children to enjoy all that is wonderful in them because childern's stages are perishable.

It has been a simple and sweet experience this week to have the lesson come to my memory many times when I look at my children or when I look at the nature that surrounds me. I remember that I can't be mourning the loss of the daffodills or spending the energy of my heart yearning for lavendar that have not yet bloomed because today I must enjoy the honeysuckle. Tomorrow the honeysuckle will fade and the green hills will turn golden. Even more regretabley, tomorrow Master I will be more careful about what comes out of his mouth, and "Little Ms. R" will realize how captivating her happiness and beauty are, and "Master W" will stop coeing and scrunching up when he sees me. They demand to be enjoyed today!

So, come out and visit us darn it!