Relationships

I was recently reading an article from the perspective of a single man in his thirties that longed for family life. One thing in the article that stuck out to me was how it pained him to hear men talk negatively about having children when it was something he desired so much. I remember feeling a similar feeling when I struggled with infertility. As I recalled that time in my life, I tried to put my finger on what it was about having children that I desired so much. I asked myself why is it that human beings long to have children. What are they longing for really? Children are expensive. Is it that we long to take care of something? No, at least not for me. Children require so much of our energy in raising them. Do we long to have a meaningful life and purpose to throw ourselves into? No, at least not for me. I think what I longed for was relationships. I wanted a someone little to love me as their Mama. And I in turn wanted to adore a child.

In our family scripture study last week we read a scripture from the book of John. I don’t even remember what the scripture was, but I remember us discussing the real purpose in life. M talked about one of his colleagues that wasn’t able to perform her duties at work because of a terrible sunburn. She was so embarrassed and kept apologizing. M said, “Hey, don’t worry. This is the purpose of life…to be kind to you. It is more important than even the work we all do as doctors today.”

All of M’s thoughts reminded me of my situation as a mother. So easily I can be abrupt with my children because I am trying to get a task done like cleaning or cooking, and in so doing I forget that being nice to them is the whole purpose of my day and the most important thing that I do. Em agreed with my thought and said, “We can be so callous and careless with those relationships when they are the most special things we have.” And there that word came up again…relationships.

I had a friend that commented to me that I can be so hard on myself in motherhood and asked me why. Was it that my Church teaches that we must strive for perfection? As I pondered her question I tried to figure it out. I don’t think it was the perfection doctrine, but maybe the doctrine on how important your work as a mother is. One prophet said, “No success can compensate for failure in the home?” What does that even mean to have a failure in the home? I wonder if it isn’t a failed relationship.

What does it even mean that the family can be eternal? I think the Proclamation on the Family states that it is the relationships that are eternal. As I have pondered that this week, I have felt so strongly that we preserve and pour energy into making wonderful relationships in our families. Maybe we will realize one day that making a relationship that you want to be eternal is as important as having the ordinance performed in the temple making it eternal.

All of these thoughts keep coming to me this week about relationships--how important they are and how such an emphasis should be placed on making them excellent. I have wondered if these thoughts were from a loving Father in Heaven that wanted me to direct my best efforts into the tings that would bring me the most joy.