Miss R's New Prayer

This was R's prayer for the breakfast this morning:

"Jesus loves me. And I love Him. And He is going to play a game with me. And everyone loves me. And I love them. Amen."

Gingersnapbread Cookies

Mark's favorite cookies are gingersnaps. Something about Christmas time makes us want to eat them. But they must be spicy, chewy, soft, and crunchy. This year I wanted to try to come up with a recipe that would taste like a gingersnap, but hold its shape like gingerbread to make houses and little ginger people. So, I tweaked a recipe I got from Tasha Bradford. We loved it. It was the prefect blend of gingersnap and gingerbread.

Woops. That wasn't supposed to happen. As you can see, at first she was very disappointed.

But, then she realized she could just eat the part that broke off.

Of course Master I would choose to do a candy house.

Thrilled with her creation.

Gingersnapbread Cookies
Serves: 16
1 (6-ounce) package Jell-O Sugar Free - Fat Free Instant Butterscotch Pudding and Pie Filling (you can use sugar free)
3/4 cup butter
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup molasses (Just pour a dollop in. That's what I did. Don't waste half of it on the sides of the measuring cup.)
1 egg
2 1/4 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 tablespoon ground ginger
1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon cloves

1. Cream butterscotch pudding mix with butter and sugar; add egg and blend well.
2. Combine flour, baking soda, ginger, and cinnamon; blend into pudding mixture.
3. Chill dough for 1 hour or until firm.
4. Roll dough on a floured surface to about 1/4 inch thickness and cut with cookie cutter.
5. Place on greased baking sheets; use a straw to make a hole in the top of the cookie for hanging on the tree, if desired.
6. Bake at 350° for 10-12 minutes.
7. Remove from oven and cool on wire rack.
8. Decorate if desired.

For frosting: equal parts of cream cheese and butter, powdered sugar, vanilla.

For a glaze: Mix lemon juice with powdered sugar until desired consistency. Apprx. 3 T. of lemon juice for every cup of powdered sugar.

This recipe will make about 16-18 gingerbread men.

Jolly's Cranberry Apple Harvest Salad

Dressing

2 tsp dry mustard (I have never owned this so I just use the bright yellow French's stuff from the fridge that is also used on hotdogs)
2 tsp salt
2/3 Cup apple cider vinegar
1 1/2 Cup sugar

Mix these ingredients. Then slowly add in:

2 Cups canola oil (I think that I just mixed it all together with an immersion blender until it was nice and smooth. )

Add:

3 Tablespoons Poppyseeds

Salad:
Romaine lettuce
dressing
feta cheese
celery
apples
cranberries
candied nuts

Candied Nut recipe
4 C pecan halves
1 egg white
1 T water

1 Cup sugar
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon

Beat egg and water until frothy
coat nuts with mixture
and sugar mixture
grease baking sheet
cook at 300 for 1 hour turning every 15 minutes

(I think that I actually cooked them for 30 minutes because they smelled done. Think of it like baking a cookie. :) And I think that i actually used 2 cups of walnuts because that is what I had.)

Gluten Free for Man???

So, Master W was seen by the Allergist again last Friday. They determined that his milk allergy is more severe than they thought at his first visit. The test results also show that he is allergic to tomatoes. This was from the skin test. We are still awaiting the additional blood work that they did.

Unknowingly, I was also doing my own clinical trials in our kitchen today. I gave him a little piece of homemade wheat bread not thinking anything of it. But, he had a reaction to that today. He broke out into hives and has been pretty miserable ever since. So, I suspect that he is allergic to wheat. Though Mark and I joke that he could be allergic to the salt or the water in the bread that I made.

Gluten-free for Man doesn't have quite the same ring to it as wheat for man.

I can't seem to wrap my mind around what on Earth I am going to prepare for my family for dinner as he starts to eat with us at the table. I would really like to prepare one meal for our family for ease for me and for Master W to not feel excluded. Ideas anyone?

Beautiful Vistas

Aren't they cute? We were just sitting in our front room after Church on Sunday and I wanted to take a picture of how cute they were looking all festive.

It was all fun and games, until big brother had to steal the hat.

She was heartbroken. He was beside himself with enjoyment. Look at that smile!

I think that she may have just been tired. Here she is having fallen asleep reading books in her designer decorated room (ha! Not really designer. More like how do you fit three kids in a small room of an old house and not spend any additional money?)

Where is the joy in motherhood? It comes in moments throughout the day or the week. For me it comes everytime I hear my girl say the word music. She says it with such enthusiasm because she loves it and she pronounces it, "Musgit."

Last Saturday was another typical day at home while Mark was at the hospital all day with a couple of small, sweet moments. One of them that I keep remembering was a conversation I had with my boy. We were in our car on the way to Costco listening to Primary songs on the way. A song came on that brought a flood of memories from my own childhood.

Where love is, there God is also
Where love is, we want to be
Guide us, His truths to follow
Help us obey Him faithfully.

I remember hearing this when I was young, maybe 7 years old, after my mother died and feeling a special feeling when I learned and sang the words. I thought that the "love" that was mentioned in the song was my mother and that God was where "Love" was because my dead mother was in heaven with Him. When I sang the words as I child, "Where love is, we want to be," I remember singing it with all of the yearning that I had to be with my mother and every time that I said the word "love" I pictured her face.

When I heard that song again on Saturday I remembered the ache in my heart as a child and my yearning to be with her. Feeling those feelings again and remembering myself as a broken-hearted child made me start crying.

I... asked me why I was crying. The answer that came to my mind was that my mom died, but I anticipated that he wouldn't understand why I was crying now about something that happened so long ago. So, I tried to explain differently by saying, "You know how if you fall, scrape your knees, and really hurt yourself you might cry about it because it hurts? But you will never cry the next day about how it hurt. There are some hurts that you can have in this life that are so big that even 20 years later you cry about it. I am crying about my mom dying when I was a little girl, even though it happened almost 20 years ago, this song made me remember it and so I cried."

"Yah," he said. He says this in a very sweet, small voice. He says this if we are having a conversation about something special and he wants to hear more or if he is getting in trouble, knows it is justified, and knows he is going to hear more whether he likes it or not.

We thought about that for a second. I thought how true those words were. I thought about my family and the different hurts that those that I love most have had and how we each have experienced things that happened a while ago, but given the chance we cry again about it many years later. Thinking about these specific hurts that I know that my family has made we want to cry again. But imagining the day that those hurts would be gone filled me with comfort and hope. Then I said to my boy, "And that is why Jesus was born and came to Earth, was to take away that hurt."

My boy then asked, "But I don't understand why he would let that happen." Then he asked me what Jesus' birth had to do with my mom dying or how it helped.

I said, "The scriptures say that He will come and wipe all the tears from our eyes and that there will be no more sorrow (Rev. 21:4). One day I will be with my mother again. She will hug me and tell me that she thinks that I did a wonderful job as a mother. She will love you and love to hug you. And that sorrow will be gone from me. But, if Jesus had not come to Earth and died for us then death would be the end and we wouldn't be together again. There are some hurts in this life that are very big. It is when someone dies or when we sin. And Jesus came to take those away."

It was a very sweet conversation. What made it sweet is that we both felt the Spirit of the Lord together, we both felt that what I was saying was true, and we both felt connected to each other and love for each other.

This is the joy that I have experienced in motherhood. It comes in small moments amidst minutia and monotony. I feel willing to do the boring and the hard in order to have just one of those moments. Gordon B. Hinckley said it this way, "Life is just like an old time rail journey ... delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

Baptism

What a long way we have come with our oldest boy. Almost ready to be baptized. There was a while that I thought that he would be the first child in the Church to refuse to be baptized when he turned eight. I probably thought that because he repeatedly told me that was the case.

The first time that I remember him strongly saying that he wouldn't be baptized was when he was four years old. We had plans to go to visit his cousins that live about an hour away. Right before we were about to leave a friend called with a very heavy heart. I don't remember the details, but I remember telling Master I, "We still get to go to our cousins and we will spend the night, but I have to help this friend for about an hour."

He responded angrily, "You do not have to, you just want to. It isn't a need, it is a want."

I disagreed with him because I felt like this was something that I really needed to to do. So I explained how I felt, "We will just babysit for Jenny for an hour and we will still get to play with your cousins for a long time. But, I feel like this is a need because I promised Heavenly Father I would do this when I was baptized. When I was baptized I made a promise that I would mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort."

Still angry, Master I yelled at me, "Well, I am never making that promise!"

I decided not to pay too much attention to his promise he made and hope that he would forget it, but he reminded me over the next 2 years that he wasn't going to get baptized. I was justifiably concerned because I had seen how determined this little boy can be.

Then when he was about seven he had a major concern about tithing. I explained to him that he couldn't get baptized if he wasn't willing to pay tithing. I think more than anything I wanted to test the baptism waters from a different approach to see how he was feeling about the whole thing, if he was still stubbornly sticking to his resolve to never get baptized. He was. He said, "Yah, I am not getting baptized."

That didn't work, but he still wanted to talk about his concerns about tithing. This boy has always really loved money and the power that it brings to do what he wants to do and give want he wants to give. It isn't that he is selfish. He frequently wants to take me to lunch or buy things for people, but he likes to have control of his money and 10% seemed like a whole lot of money. I had aldeady in previous conversations tried many times to explain to him the reason we pay tithing. I taught him that tithing money didn't pay anyone for working in the Church because none of us get paid for our work that we do. I taught him about the tithing being an opportunity to put the Lord first in our loves above our blessed money. I taught him that it was an opportnity for us to show the Lord our faith and for him to "open the windows of heaven" for us. I shared with him my life's experiences of how the Lord had blessed me "more than I had room to receive." But, none of that seemed to penetrate him. So he asked that day, "Why does God want me to pay tithing?" I knew I had already explained those things so I thought I would try a different approach. In exasperation I blurted out, "Because He wants your money!"

That was one of my less-effective teaching moments. But, I was hurt. I took it personally that my little boy didn't have the faith of a child when I had worked so hard for that. Needless to say, he didn't like my answer. He blurted back at me with just as much fury, "Well, He can't have it! I am never paying tithing!!!"

The explanation that finally opened his heart to paying tithing was an odd one. I told him the story of a boy that hated to pay taxes. His dad soften his heart by the telling him all of the things that the government paid for and asking him which of those things he would like to give his money to. The list included bridges, roads,defense, schools, and national parks. My boy frowned at all of the list except for the last one. He said, "National parks! That is what I would choose!" We did a similar thing for tithing and then he agreed to give it a try. I guess it was something about being able to choose.

Somehow his heart softened to the idea of being baptized as well. I was afrad to ask him about it too often because I didn't want him to repeat over and over again his determination that he wasn't going to to do it. I was just hoping that he would forget. One day I noticed that he talked about finishing the Book of Mormon lke his cousins Jacob and Eden before he got baptized. I tried not to look too excited or suprised.

Amazingly, he did finish The Book of Mormon before he got baptized. He also memorized the 13 Articles of Faith and we tried to teach and inspire him from the time that he was just a baby.

Another Week Down, Many More to Go

a sweet picture of my girl, not so good of me. It was a Sunday afternoon and I was trying to entertain her. Dad was sleeping on the couch.

I love Sundays. Because we try to make Sunday a holy day we have a rule of no movies or tv, no friends, and we don't really go anywhere. So the kids make their own fun together out of desperation. The games that they play together are so funny to watch. It reminds me of being young at home on Sunday in a family of 10 kids. I remember that we found a place in the hallway where we could climb up and pretend that we were spiderman by firmly planting hands and feet against each wall side inching up. come to think of it, I never was able to manage it really. But my joy was full in watching my older brothers do it and in feeling like I was a part of the fun. I just tagged along and relished in the opportunity.

For some reason both R... and I... never would pray when I would try to tell them the words to say for them to copy me. They both wanted to come up with it on their own or not say it at all. R... has a new found success in saying prayers. She would never pray before, but now she wants to say it all of the time. Her older brother is irritated that it is the same prayer every time and that she doesn't use the proper format. I think it is so cute. This is her prayer to bless the food, before bed, and you name whatever else: "Jesus wants us to be happy. Jesus loves us. Amen."

Another thing that I think is darling that irritates older brother is that R... says the same thing every night when I ask everyone at dinner what their high point and low point of the day was. She excitedly yells, "I have a high point! The yellow tree tomorrow!" We have no idea what she is talking about.

My favorite time of day is Mark's least favorite. I love putting the kids to bed. I can sympathize with Mark because sometimes I have felt the same way. They want so much attention and it can be drawn out. If I don't want to give anymore, but so much is being demanded and cried for and there is so much unhappiness,s it can feel pretty suffocating.

Mark and I have recently settled on a new way of doing it that I don't know why we didn't think of it before. After we have family scripture study and prayer, I put the children down and Mark studies. It works better if I don't try to put down everyone at once. I have to do it individually. Last week R.... asked me in a hopeful tone, "Would you lie down by me? I wouldn't talk (head shaking for emphasis)." How could I say no? So, I talked to her and sang to her and played with her hair. I absolutely cherish this time.



Master I calls this time "special time." He likes to talk about his day and laugh and joke about things. Mostly, he likes to put off going to sleep and relish in the attention.

Last night when I was tucking R.. in she was talking to me about Lake Tahoe. In her broken English she tried to commit me to taking her to Lake Tahoe again. "You promise? No matter what? We save our money? We go to Lake Tahoe?"

We celebrated I...'s birthday on Saturday.

We started by going to Panda Express-- his new favorite food establishment.


After that, Mark and I had a date at BYU for the Christmas concert, so Johnny and Stacey (pronounced Dacey) watched the kids.


Then we went to Tay's house for a surprise birthday party for Master I with his cousins. He was shocked and didn't know what to think. He had never heard of a surprise birthday party before. It was very fun.

We had dinner together.



He wanted doughnuts for the birthday cake, so we made an eight for him.

Here is my allergy baby. Happy as ever. He loves the new found freedom of crawling around the house. He loves when I make him laugh by playing peek-a-boo or tickling his collar bone.

Honestly, I love my life. I love being a mother. I wish that I could freeze life and the age of my children because I am enjoying them so much. W.. is cuddly, happy, and gurgley. R... is silly, optimistic, happy, and sentimental. I... is attached, intellectual, happy, and adventuresome.

Thanksgiving Weekend's Highs and Lows

The high points:

The hike Thanksgiving Day. I love being able to get outside and see the natural world. I don't like being trapped inside all day and feeling like all I did was cook and eat.


The Thanksgving program. I love gathering my family together and singing Thanksgiving songs and sharing what we are thankful for. It doesn't feel like I have celebrated Thanksgiving without doing this.

The LOW point:

I gave W.... a graham cracker that supposedly didn't have any allergens in it. And this is what happened.



He didn't cry and scream like usual. I am guessing that is because this allergy didn't effect his insides. But the swollen ears were particualy unnerving for me. Why the ears? They were swollen at least three times their normal size. I was so disturbed. I'll be calling the Allergist on Monday to discuss what the new allergy might be.

Uncles

Miss R has just started praying on ther own. Her first prayer ever were she came up with it herself was at bed time last night. This is what she said, "Heavenly Father. Thank you for this day. Thank you for the dinner. It was really good. Amen."

And now she is always saying prayers and coming up with what she wants to say on her own. She even said the breakfast prayer this morning. She said, " Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ loves us. Amen."

Happy Thanksgiving

Miss R said she was grateful for Candy and Guy Spream!

My favorite sentence that Mater I wrote in the Thanksgivng journal was, "I am grateful for God and that I get to get baptisd. I am grateful for land and sky and woter. I am thankful for Nacher (spelling not modernized)>"

Mark said he was mostly grateful that he didn't have to repeat the difficult parts of life that are already over. what can we say? Some years are just harder than others. My new joke for him is that I have a 9,9,9 plan to make him happy. I of course use my best Herman Cain voice when I am presenting this plan to Mark. (I guees I should explain to my posterity that Herman Cain was a Republican presidential hopeful that had a 9-9-9 tax plan that he always talked about. Mark and I watch the debates together and so this joke really made him laugh.) The nines in my plan always change, but usually are things like 9 minutes of hickling, 9 loaves of wheat bread, 9 loaves of banana bread, 9 trips to Arches National Park, and the list goes on.

This year I have thought a lot about how I am so grateful for the influence that my dad's conversion and testimony have had on my life. I am grateful first of all that it sustained him and gave him light in very dark times in life. Secondly, I am grateful that this testimony of his, that lit his path in life, gave off enough light to light my path as well so that I could see life as it really is.

Little Miss R Not So Little

Getting ready for Church on Sunday.

She reminds me so much of Chloe when she was little. The one thing that is definately different is that R.... is very tall. I was in Costco the other day and someone asked me if she attends the local grammar school. Yesterday I went to I...'s school lunch and the students asked me what grade she was in. I tell them, "She is two!"

Reaching the Age of Accountability

Here is my boy at his school doing a musical sharing time for the parents. He looks bigger than his class, but I admit I still think of him as my baby. I can't believe that he will soon be eight.

He walked through the door and to his dismay I was on the phone. He told me, "Mom, I need to talk to you right now!" I quickly got off the phone and his troubling experience came tumbling right out. "I was on the bus with Andrew and he wasn't feeling well. And he threw-up all over the bus. And the throw up was even coming out of his nose (his chin was quivering when he told me that part). And so the bus driver went back to school to get towels. And Andrew had to sit in the back of the bus. And I felt bad for Andrew so I just sat back there with him and asked what I could do to help him. And the smell was really bad in the back of the bus. And now I feel like I am going to throw-up!"

I was so proud of him to see how much empathy he felt for his friend. The scriptural explanation defining how to know if someone is ready for baptism came to mind.

Mosiah 18:8-10 And it came to pass that he said unto them.. and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, ... Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?

I remembered this scripture and marveled at his developmental progress. He has developed empathy! I think that he is almost ready to be baptized.

Born to Nurture

A little ridiculous , I know, to have all of these pictures of my little girl playing. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to remember as much as possible what it was like to watch her play with her babies. She is so nurturing. It touches the deepest place in my heart.

She is even nurturing to me. The other day I lay down by her on my bed to try to get her to sleep for her nap. She loves when I do that. She paid me with a slobbery kiss on my nose. I cherished the show of love, but wiped of the excess moisture not even thinking that she would be aware of what I was doing. But she did notice. She said, "Don't wipe that kiss off." Then she kissed me again to replace the one that I wiped off. It took all of my self-discipline to not wipe off the drool. It was so gross, but I just laid there with it on my nose and then started to giggle about it. She quickly corrected me on that saying, "Don't laugh about it!"

Before she fell asleep she did an inspection of my face. She touched my teeth where they are crooked in the front and said, "You have pokey teeth." Then she gently touched a healing blemish and asked, "You have an ouchy?"

She is a nurturer. I sometimes call her Mudder (her name for me--mother with a two-year-old accent). The other day she looked at me in confusion and said, "I'm not your mudder."

I really believe that, "... gender is an essential characteristic in our individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose (The Family--A Proclamation to the World)." I look at my little girl and I see a mother. She has developed those attributes already and has come to Earth from the premortal life with them. I hope that in this life she is able to give full expression to the mother that is in her. But, even if she doesn't get to mother her own children, I know that those who cherish motherhood in this life will cherish it in the next.

The Family--A Proclamation to the World
http://lds.org/library/display/0,4945,161-1-11-1,00.html

Everyone Has Discouraging Days

This blog is a convenient way for me to keep a journal. It is a record of motherhood for my daughter, a way for our devoted parents now turned grandparents to stay connected to the joy of their grandchildren, and a way for me to stay connected to God through the process of writing and recording so that in the end I come out seeing life as it really is! This entry is for my daughter. I want her to know that I had discouraging days as a mother too.

I love my husband's mission story of when Elder Anderson visited his mission to speak to the missionaries. At the end of his talk he opened up the time for missionaries to ask him questions. One missionary asked, "How can I be like Paul and the other New Testament missionaries that were so full of faith and never discouraged inspite of really difficult challenges?"

Without skipping a beat, Elder Anderson said something like, "They got discouraged!!! They just didn't write their epistles on those days!"


So, "Da Darling", here is your epistle on one of my discouraging days.

Baby is crying. Don't even have the luxury of wallowing in my self-pity. To be conintued....

Family Update

We went to Home Depot to do their craft on the first Saturday of the month. It was really fun. I can't believe I haven't done that before. The kids loved it.


We made stuffed pumpkins for Halloween dinner night. The kids loved the idea, but the taste not so much. They ate some of it because it looked cool. I usually try to do a spooky meal. On Saturday I rolled out the tortillas to the shape of ghosts and just made that count for this years spooky meal.

Whole Wheat Bread

I am recording this recipe because people have been asking me for it and because I want my children to have it. I made it myself through trial and error. I was forced to change my wheat bread recipe because I cannot use dried milk or eggs because of my son's allergies. My family loaves it. We prefer it toasted with honey or honey butter on top. Yum, yum.

Sponge
5 Cups Warm water
2 Tablespoons yeast
3/4 Cup Honey
5 Cups Whole Wheat Flour

Make a sponge by mixing above ingredients in Bosch for 1 minute or until ingredients are incorporated.
It will look like this


Let rest until the mixture reaches close to top. Apx. 1 hour. It should look like this:



Mix in
5 Cups Whole Wheat Flour
2 Tablespoons of your best tasting sea salt

Knead mixture and add more flour towards the end if needed to make the mixture clear the sides of the Bosch. Mixture will be sticky to the touch, but it will clean the sides of the mixer.



Shape into loaves. This yields 4 normal loaves, but lately I have been doing 12 mini loaves instead. I just do 6 per cookie sheet. I form the ball by pushing the dough through a hole in my hand.




Let rise until doubled in size. This takes at least 1 hour.



Bake a 350 for 15 minutes if you are going to do the mini loaves on cookie sheets